Thai Universe Is Fundamentally Hierarchical
Every person assumes a rank in society relative to other person. You will also be put into a category without realizing it. You will be expected to behave according to your rank, although you will be given some slack as a westerner. Another important bit of etiquette that your girlfriend will use is when she is near her in-laws or older family members.She will keep her head at or below the level of their heads.
To achieve this, she may sit down, sit on the floor (if her relatives are sitting in a chair), or even just slouch as she sits or stands.You should show a similar sign of deference to her relatives (even though some relatives may give you more slack because you’re a Westerner).
This leads Westerners into an apparent dilemma: may of us tower over our girlfriends’ relatives even when we are sitting down. How can we possibly meet this requirement? The answer is that the gesture of deference itself is the most important. If the relatives see that we are making an effort to show respect (for example, by sitting on the floor, perhaps bowing our head briefly to drive the point home), they will be overjoyed even if our head ends up higher than theirs.
No matter what you do, if you’re tall, never stand right next to her relatives and talk straight down to them.If you make them look up at you steeply, they will feel humiliated, though since they are Thai they will want to avoid confrontation so they will probably not express it. Just back up a step, sit, slouch, or kneel as a sign of respect. A Thai word that men use for “I” when speaking respectfully is pom, and this is also the word for “hair:” think of a Thai person crawling before the Thai king (as was done just a century ago), keeping his hair at all times below the King’s feet as a sign of the ultimate respect.
Although the pronoun is now in common use, the idea of “high-low” remains for her, or even if the superior has done only bad things to her. This is not because she would be punished for doing otherwise; it’s because she would feel low self-esteem for doing otherwise.These are very important concepts to observe if you are going to be respected by your girlfriend or wife and her family.
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