See How Different Cultures Deal with Uncertainty: Control or Tolerance

Meet Kurt, a “Typical” German Engineer

Born, raised, and educated in Germany, Kurt is cheerful, polite, efficient and precise. Growing up traveling on the enviable railway system in his native country, which publishes its “on-time” record for every commuter to see and set their watches by, he is used to the physical, social, and commercial systems around him functioning like clockwork.

He’s used to people following traffic rules – after all, the Autobahn (the modern expressway) was created in his country. He’s used to service people making – and keeping – appointments, repairing what needs to be repaired on the date and time agreed upon. He’s used to orderly queues at the bank, each person taking his turn. He’s used to spotlessly clean restaurants (and restrooms). And he’s used to immediate responses to any type of customer complaint.

Kurt worked hard, studied hard, and fulfilled every expectation required to rise in his company. He’s an excellent manager, giving precise directives and expecting precise results from his team, usually based on intelligent collaboration. When his company transferred him to their Asia headquarters in Bangkok, Kurt was excited at the possibility, but anxious about the change. After all, Kurt had travelled all over the world. But Bangkok made him especially nervous.

Although everyone smiled, and was outwardly polite, he just couldn’t figure out how or why things worked in this country! People made appointments and didn’t keep them. Driving was terrifying, with the crush of taxis, tuk-tuks, bicycles, oxen and pedestrians spilling through the streets in random chaos. It was weeks before his telephone service worked – and the electricity would often go off mysteriously for hours at a time. When he complained to the telephone company and the electric company, the customer service people were gentle and smiling – agreeing to send someone out “immediately” – but they never came when they said they would. When he returned to complain a second time, all he got was an inscrutable smile and a non-committal “mai pen rai.”

He is, by nature, intolerant of chaos and uncertainty. It makes him extremely uncomfortable. He just doesn’t know how to “be” when he can’t control the outcome.

Now Meet Kan, a Typical Thai Professional

Born, raised, and educated in Bangkok, Kan is cheerful, polite, helpful as she can be, and accepting of the uncertainty of daily life. Growing up in the sprawl of Bangkok with its mix of wealth and poverty existing side by side, she is used to the hectic traffic and unreliable physical, social, and commercial systems that function when they do, and fall apart with regularity. At least they try. She’s used to surviving with very few “rules,” and she knows that the rules only apply to the people who don’t have the status, relationships, or power to break them openly. She also knows that when she has bad luck, or when things break or don’t work the way they should, that’s just the way life is. She knows when the telephone repair people tell her they’ll be there later today that somebody or something more important might prevent them from coming. That’s okay. They’ll get to her when they can. “Mai pen rai.” Kan worked hard, studied hard, and had the family connections to earn her a well-paying job as a manager in an export company. She’s an excellent boss, direct and clear with her subordinates, whom she trusts to do exactly as she says. At work, when she deals with foreigners like Kurt, she is puzzled by how upset they seem to get about the way things work in Bangkok. No matter how much she smiles, how gently she tries to explain, the farangs just don’t seem to “get” that everything will turn out the way it turns out, and getting upset about it is not healthy.

She understands in her heart that life is full of uncertainty and chaos, and accepts that. She knows good things and bad things happen in spite of her desire that they turn out any particular way. That’s “mai pen rai,” it doesn’t matter, it will be okay, there’s nothing to be done to change it. Just accept the way it is and move on.

She is, by nature, relaxed, at ease, and tolerant of uncertainty. As a matter of fact,she is calm while the uncertainty of the world swirls around her. She knows exactly how to “be” when things don’t work out the way she expects.

The Cultural Divide: “Control” vs. “Tolerance”

There’s no doubt about it. Life is uncertain. And uncertainty makes people nervous. Every culture on earth has evolved its own ways to help people deal with the stress and anxiety of uncertainty, and those ways involve some combination of three approaches: technology, rules and regulations, and religion. Cultures “manage” the uncertainty of nature with technology; develop rules and regulations to “manage” the uncertainty of human behavior; and use religion and its rituals to “manage” what you might call the luck of life.

If you were raised in Australia, Canada, the U.S. the U.K., or other Anglo- Celtic culture, chances are you don’t tolerate “uncertainty” or the inability to control your circumstances very well. Your culture uses rules, laws, and technology to help people cope with the stress and anxiety of uncertainty and make them feel safe from danger

You might come from a place where there are laws designed to protect you–motorcycle helmet laws, food safety regulations, guard rails on the highway, warning signs about wet floors or road construction, zoning restrictions inbuildings and neighborhoods –all kinds of rules and regulations and laws to keep you “safe” from accidental harm. You might be like Kurt — somebody who expects that people will follow the rules, be on time, and do what they say they will do when they say they will do it – all so that you feel a sense of “control” and safety in the face of life’s uncertainty.

In Thailand, you can ride without a helmet, sell your own homemade food by the side of the road, and raise chickens in your back yard no matter where you live – there aren’t hundreds of laws and dozens of government agencies whose only job is to keep you safe. Thais know that life is inherently dangerous – and it’s your “karma” to take whatever misfortune comes. You see, in Thailand, the anxiety and stress about the uncertainty and unpredictability of life are most obviously managed by religion – in particular, the Buddhist way of looking at the world.

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Nathamon Madison is a matchmaker & owner of Meet Me Now Asia, Thailand’s most trusted Introduction & Dating Agency. It’s Nathamon’s vision to help genuine guys find beautiful & trustworthy Asian girls from proven backgrounds. She’s been married to her Western husband for 12 years and has written several books and informational DVDs about romance between Asian women and Western men.

Nathamon can be contacted at: nathamon@meetmenowbangkok.com

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