All You Need To Know About Dating Customs In Thailand
If you are lucky enough to arrange to meet someone you would like to date, it’s important to realize that dating customs in Thailand are a bit more conservative and formal than in your home country, and courtship is more “indirect.”
On your first date, expect her to bring a friend or relative, and go to a public place where you can talk easily (not a theater, concert, or the movies, where you will be forced to sit in silence). And you should be on your best gentlemanly behavior: clean, well-groomed, and on time. You will be expected to use the old-fashioned good manners your mother (hopefully) taught you: open the door for her, hold her chair, use good table manners, and make her feel special with a compliment or two (don’t go overboard!). It’s also good manners to bring a (small) gift – perhaps a flower or a fancy chocolate. And you will make points if you express naam jai by paying the bill discreetly – even though you’ll probably be picking up the tab for her friend as well.
Use the first date as a chance to get to know each other in a safe environment. Ask her about herself, her job, her family. Listen to her carefully, and if you have trouble understanding, make the effort to repeat what you understood her to say, and ask her if you heard her right. Tell her about yourself, your job, your family – but don’t monopolize the conversation.
At the end of the evening, be gentle and respectful – don’t expect or demand a kiss goodnight – and be careful about being too demonstrative with touch. If you are interested in seeing her again, tell her so directly, and ask her if she would like to see you again.
Be cautious especially if you are immediately invited to meet the girl alone on the first date – or if she invites you to meet her parents right away.
And if you’re invited back to the bedroom or to otherwise be alone with a Thai girl, you can suspect that you are probably becoming a client, rather than a prospective boyfriend, lover or husband.
If everything goes well, and your first date leads to a second, a third, or more, you’ll be moving into a more serious phase of dating.
Although her friends or family members may not come along anymore, it’s still very important to be discreet and respectful. A Thai lady cannot afford to be seen as “fast” or “loose” and is expected by her culture to play “hard to get” to measure your sincerity and make you work at winning her love. This will be demonstrated by her sense of shyness and reserve, especially in public. She may indeed be crazy about you, but will be reluctant to show it.
If your dating is successful, and you find you want to make a commitment to your Thai lady, the ritual of formal engagement and eventual marriage also requires some cultural understanding.
If You Want to Hear the Wedding Bells Ring
If you’ve safely navigated the initial dating scene, and find she is “the one,” you’ll have to remember that in Thai culture, you’re not only marrying her, you’re marrying her whole family. And when your relationship becomes serious, you have a duty to inform them.
So your first task is to arrange to meet the family. As you prepare for this challenge, ask your lady what traditions are important to observe.
In many cases, you will be expected to bring small gifts when you visit. You might be expected to express your naam jai by paying for a large family dinner. You might even be asked to pay a “bride price” if you’re serious – which is a symbolic way of demonstrating your ability to support her (and possibly her family). This “bride price” can range from nothing to thousands of dollars in cash or Thai gold, depending on the status of your lady and her family. But don’t worry – it’s often customary for the family to return most, if not all, of this bride price in the form of a wedding gift or discreetly after the wedding!
Case Study: Carl and Samorn
After a painful divorce and several unsuccessful relationships with the wrong kind of Thai woman (one of whom actually threatened to burn his house down when they broke up!), Carl had almost given up looking for the Thai wife who would be a perfect match for him.
At a business lunch, hosted by his firm in Bangkok, he met Samorn. After several more business-related meetings, where he began to appreciate how intelligent, well-educated, and funny she was, he invited her to dinner. During their conversations, they discovered they had much in common. Both held advanced degrees. Both travelled extensively for business. Both had been divorced. They had similar views about children and family.
When the relationship got serious, Carl asked Sam’s father for her hand, and offered a bride price suggested by Sam as appropriate. Sam’s father, a retired, Western-educated doctor, appreciated the gesture and agreed to the marriage (and returned the bride price discreetly after the engagement party). Carl likes her family, and appreciates that Sam will continue to provide occasional gifts as her father recently suffered a stroke.
While he finds Sam attractive and sexy, Carl attributes the success of his marriage to their similar backgrounds, social class, and profession, as well as to their ability to discuss things openly. He considers her a true friend and trusted companion…and after five years of happy marriage, they’re now expecting their first child!
Our company, Meet Me Now Bangkok, will put you in touch with countless single and genuine Thai women who are looking for marriage and for a man who will join them in Thailand.
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