Find Out What You’ll Discover “Time” Cultural Differences
1. Your Thai lady will be fun-loving, living in the present, devoted to your relationship, yet very traditional in her reactions to day to day events. She will value her relationships to her family and friends above all else – even if you have made concrete plans to be somewhere at a specific time.
2. You can count on the fact that she will change her mind easily and often to accommodate the shifting demands of the important people in her life. She will willingly share her time, her space, her possessions (and maybe even yours!) with people that are close to her. And she may show little regard for your personal space, your privacy, or your previous commitments.
3. When you are together, she will shower you with attention – regardless of whether it’s convenient or not. After all, right her in this moment, you are here and you are the most important relationship in her life (right now). You might, for example, be completely absorbed in a football match on TV – or in the garage tinkering with your car – or at your desk at home catching up on work after hours – and she will camp out with you, happily chatting away, asking you if you want or need anything, and completely oblivious to your desire for some privacy or “alone time.”
4. She will probably have a hard time understanding your need to control events and put them in their “proper order.” If friends or relatives drop by at 10:00 pm, she’ll think nothing of breaking out the pots and pans to whip up a little something to eat – regardless of whether you just finished dinner. Or if you arrange to meet somewhere at a prearranged time, for an event that requires lots of planning (like dinner reservations, theater tickets, or an organized tour), if you count on somebody or something she considers more important interrupting those plans, you won’t be disappointed.
5. All of this you might eventually find frustrating. But what will frustrate her about you is your rigidity – planning your life around your watch or the calendar. She will not understand your need to keep areas of your home, your office, your life private. Your insistence on “planning for the future” might fall on deaf ears. She might think of you as selfish, stubborn, or hard – even though what you are doing makes perfect sense to you in the long term. She may be hurt by your unwillingness to be interrupted when you are concentrating on a task, assuming that you don’t value the relationship the same way she does.
What to do When “On Time” and “In Time” Collide
If you are in a relationship with a Thai lady, you will have to negotiate matters of time and space honestly and openly. First, it’s going to require exploring each other’s concept or definition of time. You might want to start by asking her how she views time commitments, listening carefully to her answers without judging them as “right” or “wrong.”
Once you’re clear about her definition, offer her yours. Explain gently and patiently how important being on time is to you – and more important – WHY it matters so much. And set your boundaries about the privacy of your space, your office, or your things so that she is clear about what the limits are. Help her understand your need for privacy does not mean that you don’t love, appreciate, or value her and her company. You might have to let go of some rigidity and open yourself up to more flexibility by keeping your plans fluid or letting them go altogether. You might even find that letting go of your watch once in a while can be a great way to relieve anxiety and live more in the present. She might have to be encouraged to make some plans for the future – and carry them through. That simple act that you take so much for granted might make her feel safer and more secure. Together you can create an approach to time that works for both of you, and adds to your appreciation of the uncertainty of life.
“On Time” vs. “In Time” – a Summary Chart
| Westerners — “On Time” | Thai People — “In Time” |
| People from your cultures tend to focus on and do one thing at a time | People from the Thai culture tend to focus on and do many things at the same time |
| Westerners concentrate on the job and are disturbed by any interruption to their concentration | We Thais are highly destructible and willing to accommodate interruptions |
| You take such time commitments as deadlines, schedules, and plans very seriously | We think of such time commitments as deadlines, schedules, and plans as something to aim for and achieve if possible |
| Westerners, as generally “Low Context” communicators need information in order to move forward | Thais, as generally “High Context” communicators consider we already have the information we need to move forward |
| Your primary commitment, as a Westerner, is more likely to be the job at hand | Our primary commitment, as Thais, is more likely to be the people and relationships at hand |
| Most Westerners stick to the plan | Most Thais change plans easily and often |
| Westerners tend to be concerned about allowing others privacy and not disturbing them, and follow rules about consideration and privacy | Thais are more concerned with our close relationships (our family, friends, and business associates) than with we are with privacy |
| As a Westerner, you show great respect for private property and seldom borrow or lend | As Thais, we borrow and lend things easily and often |
| Your culture emphasizes promptness with everyone | Our culture bases the need for promptness upon the relationship |
| Westerners are more accustomed to short-term relationships | We Thais are more accustomed to strong, long-term relationships |
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