How You’ll Discover this “Content” vs. “Context” Cultural Difference
Many misunderstandings have happened in Thai/Western relationships because the people involved just don’t understand this dimension. It is not too hard to readily recognize it though, once the difference becomes obvious.
1. When you introduce your Thai lady to people you know, or to any unfamiliar setting, she may appear shy, withdrawn, or even reluctant to participate. It’s a group to which she does not belong, and she will need to take time to observe, soak up, and understand the whole situation before she will feel comfortable enough to speak up.
If the situation involves any of your louder, rowdier friends, it will be even worse– since the volume, aggressive verbal point-scoring, arguing, swearing, or other antics you are so used to may feel uncomfortable or even hostile to her. She won’t tell you, and you won’t be able to pick up non-verbal cues from her facial expression or tone of voice, either, because she’s been trained to keep a neutral presence in the face of an unfamiliar social setting until the situation plays itself out and becomes obvious to her.
2. If you ask your Thai friend to talk about herself – at all – she may not say much. After all, in a context focused culture like hers, the individual takes second place to the group as a whole. There’s a saying that the nail that sticks up the highest gets hammered the hardest, and she will not want to stick her head up. She may not even know how!
3. If you are invited out for the evening with a group of her family or friends, you may be presented with the check – without any advance warning or conversation about it at all. You’ll misunderstand – big time – and think that they are freeloading or taking advantage of you. If you’re not careful, your face will give your shock or dismay away if your words of protest don’t.
Here’s the deal – it’s a typical matter of “context.” When (not if) it happens to you, it’s a signal from the group that they’ve accepted you and are giving you the honor of demonstrating your commitment to the group’s well-being, and in Thailand that’s a high honor indeed. What’s in the background or context in this situation is a deeply held Thai value called naam jai (generosity of the heart) and something every single Thai understands without having to say a word about it.
What to do when “Content” and “Context” Collide
Here’s the bottom line. In your relationship with a Thai partner, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to misunderstand one another. That’s a fact of life in any relationship. But if you can start to recognize that a lot of your misunderstandings boil down to just a matter of communication “style,” you might be able to avoid some of them.
As the more “verbal” half of your relationship, you might have to slow yourself down to make this work. Speak more slowly and deliberately. Gently encourage her to express herself, and acknowledge her when she does. After all, she’s lived her whole life in a “high context” culture. When she does open up, listen slowly and patiently. Don’t interrupt. Pause to consider what she’s said carefully before you respond to it. ”Listen between the lines.”
If you are the one who does not understand a situation in Thailand, ask your partneras gently as you can to explain it to you, to fill in the background or tell you about why people are talking and behaving the way they are.
That may sound like you’re going to have to do most of the “work” – but trust me. It’s just as hard for her to be open and verbal as it is for you to be quiet and thoughtful! And besides, you’re the one reading this article I promise that if you can really take in the power of the differences in your communication styles, you’ll be able to transform your relationship. If you can “talk about the way you talk,” you’ll be able to create an atmosphere where both of you can learn from each other, and grow much closer in understanding. And if you’re closer in understanding, your relationship can become much more intimate than you ever imagined was possible.
The “Content” vs. “Context” Dimensions – a Summary Chart
| What Western “Low-Context” Communicators Think about Thai “High-Context” Communicators | What Thai “High-Context” Communicators Think about Western “Low-Context” Communicators |
| They do not speak | They talk too much |
| They avoid situations of talking | They always talk first |
| They only want to talk to close acquaintances | They talk to strangers or people they don’t know |
| They play down their own abilities | They think they can predict the future |
| They act as if they expect things to be given to them | They brag about themselves |
| They deny planning | They don’t help people even when they can |
| They avoid direct questions | They always talk about what is going to happen later |
| They never start a conversation | They ask too many questions |
| They talk off the topic | They always interrupt |
| They never say anything about themselves | They only talk about what they are interested in |
| They are slow to take a turn in talking | They don’t give others a chance to talk |
| They talk with a flat tone of voice | They are always getting excited when they talk |
| They are too indirect, inexplicit | They aren’t careful when they talk |
| They don’t make sense and they just leave without saying anything | They ask questions in unusual places about things or people |
Source: Ronald Scollon and Suzanne Wong-Scollon, “Athabaskan-English Interethnic Communication,” Cultural Communication and Intercultural Contact Donal Carbaugh (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Eribaum, 1990).
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