Here’s A Sample Story You Could Learn from Two Different Cultures
So let’s talk about the second key cultural difference – the nature of power, how it shows up in the way people act toward each other.
Meet Philip, a “Regular Australian Guy”
Born and raised in Melbourne, Philip is as good a guy as you’d ever want to meet, and an “Aussie” to the core. He believes that everyone in life deserves a fair shake, and nobody is better than anybody else. He calls his boss by his first name; teases his mother mercilessly; argues politics vigorously with his dad; and when the situation calls for it, he can “butt heads” with his older sister, with whom he is extremely close.
He’s politically ambivalent, but can argue both sides in almost any discussion of current events. He votes “the man,” not “the party.” It’s been years since he’s been to church, and when he’s met “men of the cloth,” he’s been uncomfortable with what he considers their “pompous and self-righteous superiority.” Although he’s a senior manager for his company, when he’s out in the field with his guys, he drives a beat-up truck, shows up in jeans and a work shirt, and can hoist a beer and crack a joke with the best of them after hours. He knows that he’s got their respect because he’s earned it, having worked his way up from the bottom – he’s been where they are and hasn’t forgotten. He regularly asks for their input when he makes decisions, and listens when they have problems with their work or solutions that would make it more effective.
Around the house, he’s not afraid to pitch in – he can whip up an omelet, iron his own shirts, and when pressed, clean the bathrooms and keep his place from looking like a complete disaster. He’d had a cleaning woman in to help, but he’d been hard pressed to know how to give her “orders,” treating her more like an auntie and preferring that she call him “Phil” when they sat together over coffee during her work breaks. Phil knows that he’s anyone’s equal – and that through hard work, education, and ambition anybody can raise their station in life. Likewise he knows that the rich and powerful can fall from grace in a heartbeat with just one wrong turn in the stock market– after all, they put their trousers on one leg at a time just like he does. For Phil, life is good. He’s secure. He doesn’t have anything to “prove” to anybody about his power or his position.
Meet Lia, a Typical Thai Woman
Born and raised in a middle-class suburb in Bangkok, Lia is a decent, hard- working, and easygoing woman, typical of those of her “station” in life. She’s as Thai as Thai can be, grateful for her status in life and the privileges it has given her. She is deferential and subservient to her boss, calling him Mr. Li; she spends her visits to her parents’ home cleaning and doing chores unbidden; and when the situation calls for it, she will defer to the opinions of her older brother, who she respects deeply.
She’s politically loyal, voting the way her family has always voted, for the party that helps them maintain their station in life. She visits the Buddhist temple in her neighborhood frequently, and makes offerings at the little shrines dotted throughout her neighborhood. When she meets a monk, she gives a deep “wai” of respect for his commitment to living his life according to the Noble Truths. She’s a manager at her company, and when she visits her workers in the field she makes sure to arrive in a way that reinforces her role as a superior. She has her driver wash and wax the car, dresses in her best, most formal conservative suit, and allows her subordinates to offer respect by bringing her tea, giving her the best chair, and arranging the conference room so her authority is reinforced. She is a good boss, and issues instructions in a kind, benevolent way, knowing her employees will do the best they can because it is their role to do as they are told.
Because her family, her position at work, and her salary demand it, she has household help. She knows she doesn’t even need to ask – her apartment will be sparkling and spotless every evening when she gets home from work and dinner will be waiting for her. Yet when she visits her family, she is unafraid to do what she can to make sure her parents’ home is spotless and sparkling, knowing it is a sign of a respectful daughter to be of service to her parents. Lia knows that not everyone is equal. Their station in life is predetermined, based on their birth and their family. And she knows she’s fortunate – her good education, her hard work, and her family connections have helped her secure her place in the “dance” of power. For Lia, life is good. She is secure. She knows how to use the trappings and rituals of power to communicate her status within her culture, as well as who to defer to and when.
When Philip and Lia married after their whirlwind courtship, they soon began to get on each other’s nerves, especially in social settings used to more assertive, self-confident women, Phil is alarmed at Lia’s tendency to act “superior” to some people, yet put herself down sometimes, especially when she visits her family, her boss, or his friends and family. It makes him particularly uncomfortable when they’re visiting his older sister, where Lia acts more like a servant than a guest, offering to do his sister’s laundry, clean the bathrooms, do the cooking, and take every opportunity to let his older sister completely dominate her.“My sister can be pretty self-absorbed,” he says. “We are close, but Lia acts like my sister is a queen or a goddess or something. Lia goes way beyond just good guest manners and lets my sister take advantage of her. It’s embarrassing, and I’m irritated that my sister thinks my wife is somebody she can walk all over.”
For her part, Lia can’t understand how Phil can be so disrespectful to his older sister. When he brought up how much Lia was doing to help – in front of everybody – she was embarrassed, hurt, and so angry that she had to apologize to Phil’s sister for his bad behavior. “His sister is older, so he needs to be a better brother,” she says. “I didn’t realize how rude he could be until I saw how he acts with his sister and her family.” What’s at work here is something called the “Power Dynamic.” Your Western culture has a much smaller “power distance” than her Thai culture. What does that mean? It means that her culture views the dynamics of power and the inequalities in society differently than yours does. Power, and the perception of power, drives how people treat each other.
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