The Following Are Faces of Jai You Need To Know In Thai Culture
We Thais use the word jai many times each day to describe the quality of someone’s heart. Jai literally means “heart.” It is such an important part of our culture that understanding it will be critical to your success in developing a deep, long-lasting relationship with any Thai woman.
1. The spirit of generosity: Naam Jai
Naam Jai literally means “water from the heart.” Think about generosity and good will flowing between people and you’ll understand naam jai as one of the strongest value judgments we ever make about other people. Naam jai refers to generosity, a willingness to demonstrate that you are capable of caring for other people and share the “water of your heart” with them.
Many a Western man is suspicious of naam jai, thinking his Thai lady friend is only after him for the money or trying to take advantage of him financially. While there are probably just as many dishonest women in Thailand as there are in your own country, if you can understand the importance of naam jai, maybe you can put your suspicions to rest.
In our previous articles, we gave the example of a friend of ours who went to dinner with a Thai lady and her family. He was shocked when, at the end of the lavish restaurant meal, he was presented with the check while everyone at the table nodded and smiled at him. He thought he was being taken advantage of, and resented the assumption that because he was a rich Westerner he was supposed to pay.
He didn’t understand the concept of naam jai. When he was presented with the bill, everyone considered it an honor. The Thai people were indicating they accepted him into the group, and were giving him the opportunity to express his generosity and ability to provide for them – his naam jai. No wonder he was suspicious and resentful! If he had known about naam jai before going out to dinner, he might have reacted differently. He might have even been pleased at being accepted and honored.
In some Western cultures, if a group goes out to dinner, there is a “ritual” of arguing over the check. It’s just for show. “Let me get it,” says one person. “No, let me,” says the other. “I insist,” says a third. In the end, they negotiate – “OK, I’ll pay and you can cover the tip,” or “OK, but I’ll get it next time.” In Thailand, nobody would think about arguing when someone picks up the check. Depriving him of expressing his naam jai would cause him to lose face!
Here’s another example, taken from a typical Thai workplace. Let’s say that a Thai manager asks her secretary to work overtime long into the evening to finish an important project. At the end of the evening, the manager drives her secretary home – even though she lives in the opposite direction the manager is going. The next morning, the secretary will brag to all her friends that her boss has “big naam jai.” And the secretary will feel honored to be able to reciprocate her boss’ generosity any time she can.
Another aspect of naam jai that Westerners often don’t understand is that if you demonstrate your generosity with Thai people often, they will feel honor- bound to reciprocate.
2. The spirit of sympathy: Hen Jai
You can translate hen jai literally as seeing someone’s heart – and the concept of hen jai is that of sympathy, or “feeling with” somebody. But beyond just feeling bad for someone, hen jai requires acting out of sympathy. For example, let’s say you see your Thai friend struggling to carry packages upstairs to her apartment. To be hen jai is to help her carry them – or carry them all yourself. Or you see her elderly grandfather struggling to remove a rock from the garden and roll up your sleeves to move the rock yourself.
That’s hen jai.
An example from the workplace might be this: a company board of directors finds they have to cut expenses. Instead of firing or laying off 10% of their staff, the board votes to cut their own salaries to make the savings, demonstrating their hen jai – and securing their employees’ loyalty.
3. The spirit of cruelty: Jai Dum
Jai dum can be translated as “lack of heart,” and is used when someone is cruel or lacks humanity. One example might be this: Let’s say that the Western husband of a Thai woman will not allow her to give leftover food to the street dogs in their neighborhood. He is concerned that the dogs will start hanging around and making a mess near his home. He is not concerned about his wife’s feelings or how they could reach a compromise. His wife might gossip with her family that her husband is jai dum – that he is cruel and lacks humanity.
Another example that might cause a Thai person to consider someone jai dum is when they don’t willingly and cheerfully offer help to another who obviously needs it. Let’s say he witnesses a child falling from his bicycle. A jai dum person might say, “I don’t know the child, it’s none of my business, and I don’t want that child or his family hanging around me asking me for favors.
4. The spirit of charity: Jai Boon
When someone is jai boon, they are generous and full of merit. They give away or donate whatever they have to others, or do good works for people. If their neighbors have been severely affected by a flood or other natural disaster, someone who generously offers aid, comfort, money, or food is said to have big jai boon. The concept of jai boon is rooted in our Buddhist culture, as doing good works in this life helps us in the next. And if a person demonstrates his naam jai often enough, he is elevated in the eyes of other people as jai boon, or charitable. A person with big jai boon will receive loyalty, respect, and favors from those he has helped.
5. The spirit of comfort: Sabai Jai
Sabai literally means comfortable, easygoing, or “laid back.” Sabai jai is a wonderful quality to develop – it means you are easy to be with, comfortable and relaxed. There is a saying in Thailand that sabai jai is the true Thai person. You will see or hear the phrase sabai jai often during your visit to Thailand – in connection with advertising bank loans, home improvement stores – even insurance companies. Sabai jai is one of the most highly valued qualities any product or service can offer.
6. The spirit of understanding: Kao Jai
If you’ve read this far, and are starting to get the idea about the many faces of jai, I can congratulate you and say you’ve got kao jai – understanding! And when you come to Thailand and can demonstrate jai’s many faces, I’ll know you’ve got it!
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